zaterdag 27 januari 2007

gedachtes spinnen als tornado's rond in mijn hoofd

Zo weer even een blog in het nederlands, even niet engels denken..
Heerlijk die PMS dagen, moeilijk doen om nix. Vraag me af of ik ooit hier aan kan wennen, zou fijn zijn als ik niet in de rollercoaster van de hormonen terecht zou komen.
Of zoals een vriendin van mij zo'n staafje in je arm laten plaatsen, gewoon 3jaar geen last van hormonen,menstruatie en dat soort shit...maar dat voelt ergens helemaal verkeerd dus daar ga ik ook niet aan beginnen.
dus de oplossing is accepteren...pff draait het daar uiteindelijk allemaal niet om? accepteren dat je bent wie je bent, met al je positieve en negatieve aspecten? En dan vooral de aandacht geven aan je positieve punten zodat je die verder kan ontwikkelen?

Er bestaat een theorie dat als je al energie geeft (al zijn het maar gedachtes of erover praten) aan negatieve punten, je dat alleen maar voedt en daardoor nog presenter in je leven aanwezig zal zijn.
Dus als je die gedachtes en blije gevoelens aandacht geeft, energie geeft, dit ook zal floriseren in je leven. Ergens moet dit wel kloppen, want uiteindelijk zijn we allemaal energie. Dus zijn je gedachtes ook energie. En het werkt bij mij zeker dat als ik me focus op iets positiefs, op de dingen waarom ik blij ben, mezelf ook altijd een stuk blijer ga voelen.
Dus ik probeer me te focussen op hoe ik me straks zal voelen, blij, op reis en alle nieuwe ervaringen, alle nieuwe mensen die ik ga ontmoeten.



Dus bij deze een lijstje met dingen waarom ik blij ben in mijn leven:
  • Elke ochtend als ik wakker word kijk ik naar de esdoorn buiten mijn slaapkamer, en die is zo mooi! vooral als de zon schijnt...
  • Trots op mezelf dat ik de moed heb om de dingen te doen die ik echt wil, zoals de tattoo laten plaatsen, de beslissing nemen om weg te gaan en alle mogelijkheden die ik creeer voor mezelf
  • De kat Douwe die me altijd veel liefde en aandacht schenkt
  • Het fijne huis met de goede energie waar ik voor weinig geld kan wonen
  • De vrienden om me heen: Inge met haar inzichten en mijn mooie vrolijke petekind Tom, Lies met haar zachtheid, Wietske met haar positieve kanten van alle zijdes van het leven, Kjell met zijn goede hart en gekke tics, Maria met haar inzichten in de ethica en esthetica, Alexandra met haar niet normaal willen zijn, Lisette met haar spiritualiteit, Paula met haar reiservaringen, Clairetje en haar mega dikke amerikaanwagen, Fathma en Fabian met hun idealendroom, Jan en douwe die hun leven in costa rica opstarten.. etc etc
  • Dat ik zo lekker kan koken en dan dat er mensen zijn die dat willen opeten, ha ha
  • De familie waarmee ik mij omgeef, alle ooms en tantes die bereid zijn om je te ontvangen, Vera met haar moederlijke zorgen en dappere acties, en haar geweldige gekke dochter Arwen, amazingly smart en haar rustige zoon Ephram, Dennis met zijn rust in zijn sportieve lijf, Matthieu met zijn onverwachte interesse in je persoon, mama en papa die zich steeds verder ontwikkelen en altijd bereid zijn om mijn vrienden te ontvangen, papa die zo lekker kan koken en filosoferen
  • Mijn werk, waar ik elke keer weer veel liefde kan geven maar ook mag ontvangen, de leuke collega’s
  • De eerste auto waar ik zo lekker in kon crossen, alle andere stoere bakken waar ik nog in mag gaan scheuren (JIHAAAAA!)
  • De heerlijke groentes en fruit die ik elke week kan eten
  • Het feit dat mijn ouders mij leven hebben gegegeven
  • If i put my mind to anything i can make it happen (geen idee hoe je dit in het nl zegt..)
  • Het bos vlakbij mijn woonplek
  • De zon op je gezicht, zelfs al is het winter..
  • Mijn goede gezondheid (afkloppen!)
Zo en nu genoeg spiritueelll geblerd, ik ga eens een nuttige sollicitatie schrijven voor een baan in curacao...


vrijdag 19 januari 2007

tattoo

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!
It's amazing, i finally had my tattoo set today... I'm so happy with it!
next week it's gonna be filled up with shadows and the colour brown
on the pictures it's still looks black, but in the end it will turn out more the colour sienna.






Actually you have to see it in real life. I really wanted this art nouveau tattoo for 2 and a half years, and made this agreement with myself that if i still wanted it after 2 years i would set it. So i finally took the courage and went to different tattoo artists. I designed this tattoo together wih teh tattoo artist, and after a month he set it today. It must say it fucking hurt when he works on the places of the achilles heel and the bones in your ankle, but the rest was an okay tingly feeling.

I am really curious how he is going to fill it up next week.
So next week more pictures!

maandag 15 januari 2007

IDOLS!!















Last year we started a project called IDOLS. Every class has to perform 1 act in the competition, and in the end there is one class that wins the big trophy. These are some pictures of the Idols competition of this year, the kids get all dressed up, and work several months rehearsing the songs,writing their own lyrics and practicing their dance / moves. Of course i like getting dressed up as much as they do, so the music teachers and me are dressed totally weird. I love it!







zaterdag 13 januari 2007

project : do it yourself art kit

i have done this project a while ago (i believe end of 2003)
First I had an exhibition with different artists for an opening for a galleria in Arnhem
I had all my gloves (about 60) placed on 1 wall.
After the exhibition i had all these gloves left over and wanted to do something with it.
So i made a: do it yourself art kit.

Pier Taylor designed the package. Look at his website:

www.mintontwerpers.com








do it yourself art kit

inside:
2 nails
5 gloves
5 pegs
1 glove line
various words and one example

inside where all kind of different gloves made from various patterned textiles. the idea was that everybody could make there own different art.

fuck * fucker de fuck * fuck *fuck

ha ha just felt like saying that!
the guy who was supposed to buy my car, suddenly wanted to make a really strange deal of paying me money but not putting the car on his name. So he would drive away with all the papers and still me being responsible if he made an accident or having fines etc.
So the deal was put off.

Anyway, to be totally honest, i really love my car, so not having it sold is not so bad.
Hope to find a good (and not criminal!!) person for the sale.

So keeping my fingers crossed!

donderdag 11 januari 2007

joepie!! ai yeahhh!


fieeeuww! i am so lucky!
on Monday somebody drove off my side rear mirror (at the new years drink of my work) of my beautiful red flying speed wagon.
i felt so terrible, cause i sold my car, and the guy is gonna pick it up this Saturday. and i sold it with a side mirror! not without!
anyway, the next day, i send an email to all the workers of the whole organisation (700 people, so scary!!) asking them if the person who drove off my side mirror would contact me.
and yesterday i drove to a village near my city were i could buy a new mirror at a demolition firm, and it was the right one! i felt so happy, and a friend of mine is gonna place it tomorrow on my car!! joepie!
anyway, this morning i got an email from the lady who broke my mirror , so she's gonna pay for all the costs i made.
so i am so lucky (good karma!!), i really didn't expect somebody to react, and pay for all the damage!

zondag 7 januari 2007

today i sold the red flying speed wagon!!

Today I, again, put my car for sell on the Internet, and within 6 minutes it was sold. On Saturday the guy is gonna pick it up.
I just can't imagine that I am gonna lose my best material friend!
She's the best first car I could ever have.....




Good .......anyway, this is my heart saying goodbye to a materialistic life. Some days i feel really good, the vague realistic feeling of spending my life in the wrong direction is totally gone. But there are also days when i am laying in my bed and i just can't sleep cause all the plans and horrific ideas are flowing trough my mind. Am i really willing to give up my life, the way i am living it now? Do i really want to give away or sell all my stuff? And i am scared, because what if i really experience such a good feeling of freedom that i never can work with a boss and all? Have a real job, buy a house and be as happy as i am being free? I just don't know. But what i really learned the past few years that you should confront yourself with your fears, and this is one of them...

In the end, when I'm 80 something, and living in my mind and thinking about my past life, i don't want to have the feeling: what if....
In the end, when i die or just being fucking bored with my life because i am 88 and not able to move my ass along the corridors without my walking stick, i want to be able to travel back in my mind of all the experiences of my life.
To die, and have the most experienced life i could ever have lived this life!

vrijdag 5 januari 2007

jobs abroad!! searching!

Today I am working really hard to get my information all together about work and volunteer jobs in the area i want to travel.

2 days ago i send a letter to this super interesting resort in New Zealand, i liked the way the team was presented. A really relaxed atmosphere of working together, and also a nice advantage of a river nearby for my swimming addiction! It's a wildwaterrafting resort, and i can get a lot of adrenaline kicks there! It's a side of myself i want to discover badly! I can remember, when i was just in primary school, our holidays were spent in the south of Holland near the river the Maas. We had kayaks there, and were allowed to get in the kayaks once in a while. I had a lot of joy of being on water, and the fear of going to far and (maybe) not be able to return back! Anyway, if you want to see what attracts me,
check out the side:
http://www.rivervalley.co.nz/new-zealand-adventure-lodges-river-valley-about-us.html
I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hope they will replay to me (if not I'm gonna call them to tell them why they should hire me!)

the other projects i applied to are volunteer jobs.
One is in Thailand, don't know yet if i am so much interested in Thailand, but starting with contacting is a beginning, and see what they can offer me according to the future interests i have,
Check out the side:
http://www.dalaa-thailand.com


The other project i applied to doesn't have a website, but it is in Indonesia, on one of the Sumatra Islands (Nias Island). The main thing what attracts me about this project is that they really need the help, so if i decide to volunteer somewhere, then go somewhere where they really need it. And of course where i can learn a lot about setting up an organisation, see how the structure works, etc. See where things go wrong, so that we're not gonna have the same problems in Costa Rica.

Well, up till now, i have just found 3 jobs I'm willing to do, so I'm gonna search some more...

bad mood??

yesterday i was in a really bad mood.
i tried to get some mp3 files send to a friend of mine, but the Internet didn't work the way i wanted it, in the end i could just send one file at once, so after 2 hours of trying i quit with it. some days the things just doesn't work the way you want it, don't know why it works one day so smoothly and the other days it doesn't? does somebody have an answer to that?


so, being in such a bad mood, i took a picture.
love the way i can look when i am cranky! one look can kill you, ha ha!