Today i started to stop fixing my thoughts into the future, which is so so so far away en try to fix my ideas in the now and actually on the happy things that are happening right now.
It is costing me a lot of energy to go to my work, cause i have already said goodbye to my life there. i made it extra difficult for myself by making a decision to quit my job in October, while i still have to work for more than 9 months...
And because i am so frustrated of doing something that i still like, but not at that present of time, i come home with a body that doesn't feel like my own anymore..
It feels like i am in a body right now which is to tight to fit (like the jeans that you tumbled dry to hot.. or like the swimming suit which is two sizes too small)...
My head, spirit and energy doesn't fit the place that i am in right now, and i feel very frustrated about it.
And i am not able to go to the swimming pool to swim this out of my body (because of the tattoo..) and keep my head from thinking.
On Friday the 16th my tattoo is going to be finished, 3 hours of suffering some more...but then it is totally completed. Last week i had one part filled, but the wounds were still to fresh of the last time, so we had to quit after one hour because it hurt to much..
Then 2 weeks of healing and i can go the swimming pool again! jahoooooo
I talked to some friends about this feeling and i came to the conclusion that i should try to (instead of looking at the whole period i still have to work there- which is 5 more months) to look at the small steps, for example: it is still 8 days of working and then i can go to Madrid!
Or right now i have 3 days off, and i can do everything i like to do!
Silly me...and i don't even know where to go to yet! Ha ha, i can better start laughing about myself and my silly thoughts..it just my head spinning....
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